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Thank you, for holding my heart.
This is a sadness that I haven’t felt before. An empty dark room, the weight of it crushing and closing in on me. And in the 11th hour, I turned to you and gave you my heart to hold. To safeguard while I struggled to find some light. You gave me some reprieve and allowed me to breathe. Thank you for holding my heart so I could begin to heal.
I didn’t realize how much of myself I’d lost. My self-esteem was shot, my desire for connection gone, and my outlook on life was bleak. It seemed everything around me was imploding at once. My personal life was a mess, my body was broken, and my spirit absolutely crushed. It was all encompassing and I was drowning.
This could have been the end of a sad story. I could have continued to struggle and sink deeper and deeper. But that isn’t this story. This story is getting better, and it’s because of YOU.
The reason I was able to pull myself out is because people reached out. Just the offer to simply sit with me or listen without judgement. It gave me the outlet I needed to begin sorting through the swirling thoughts in my head.
One late afternoon in November, on a particularly dark day, I sat with a friend. Very few words were exchanged, but it was the support I needed. I was going to be brave.
And slowly, I’m crawling out of the darkness and finding myself again. I had no idea how bad it was until I look back at the ugly matrix of emotional, physical, and spiritual trauma.
Today I am healing. Which is not the same as being healed. I don’t know if I’ll ever fully heal. But I’ll be me again, and that itself makes me smile.
I’m currently crutching around, trying to find joy in day to day life. But it’s actually coming to me with less effort than I thought. My smiles have been genuine and my happiness real. It’s the most incredible feeling I’ve had in months. I know healing is not linear and this will undoubtedly be a long process. But it’s exciting to have a fresh start.
In my experience, the kindness of my friends, family, and absolute strangers, was imperative. If you think someone is struggling, a quick smile or compliment can make an important difference. I remember one morning I was on my bike trainer and a random stranger have me a thumbs up on Zwift. It meant so much to me I started crying. No act is too small or will go unnoticed.
Please don’t stop reaching out. The smallest acts of kindness are more impactful than you know. I’m so thankful to have you in my life.
With much love,
Steph
Love to you Stephanie! Thank you for sharing
Thank you! I’ve admired your strength for years friend. Thank you for being my friend 🙂
We all have a story. Thank you for sharing part of yours ♥️ Being raw and vulnerable to friends and family is one thing but to the public is exceptional. I applaud your courage and strength, sweet Stephanie ✨ May the quiet of Winter bring the healing you need. The healing we all need. Love to you 😘
You’ve got this! Soon you’ll be back and stronger than ever.
Thank you!
The light shines in darkness!! You are incredible, Steph. Thank you for being you. Love you so much!
Thank Abby. You are a great friend!
Instagram is too full of shots of coffee and meaningless hashtags. It’s all too rare to see a post that tells us that life is not all glamour, smiles and endless coffee. Life is raw, it’s gritty and at times it’s hard.
I stopped posting and actively unfollowed a lot of people this year as i was sick of all the snapshots of their lives. There is a real lack of understanding that this can have on people, especially vulnerable people eho have fragile mental health.
Thank you for being real, for showing that our lives are messy not perfect.
I always say that we have to remember that behind dark clouds is a bright sun, it’s always only a matter of time before the sun returns.
Thank you. Yes, IG can be tricky and isn’t always real life. Like you said, life is raw and gritty. I think your message is a great reminder. Thank you!
You are remarkable! Thank you for giving this intimate piece of you! I’m not as brave!
Someone said to me recently “it would be weird for things to stay the same!” And although I know that it hit me and relieved me at the same time! I look forward to your next chapter(that’s how I look at this silly life)- it’s bound to be a good read! Keep sharing- I for one need it❤️
Thanks Lenora! It’s not always easy, but we are stronger than we think. It is weird for things to stay the same, but change is good opportunity.
First thing is, it’s amazing you can share this. So many people today struggle with mental health issues but don’t want to talk about it. I think we all have it in some aspects of our lives. But because you opened up and said something, that’s what helps you heal. Keep that road to recovery…..
Thank you Shane. I appreciate your note so much. Mental health is such an important topic to talk about!
Awe…I’m just now seeing this!!! Hugs and love to you…I’ve been in a similar situation and understand a lot of what you are going through…I’m here if you ever want to talk 🤗
Yeah? I’m sorry to hear, but glad you reached out. Stronger together!